


So Love Me Like There's No Tomorrow

by youresoawkward



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Mild Discussions of Death, Minor Character Death, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:28:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27211246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youresoawkward/pseuds/youresoawkward
Summary: When the kiss ends, Zayn sighs, contented, his eyes closed while he rests his forehead to Liam’s. “What d’you wanna do now?” he asks, voice low.They’ve spent 274 nights exploring this city over the same number of years. Some places never change, like the plaza they’re in now, while others have come and gone. It’s overwhelming, all of the things Liam wants to fit into this night, all of the possibilities that exist in this moment.--Or, Liam has been temporarily cast out of heaven as punishment for his disregard toward the rules of the afterlife. Zayn remains, carrying on with their work. Each year on Halloween night they are free to walk the earthly plane as mortals and spend one night together before they must return to their separate existence.
Relationships: Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 33
Kudos: 75
Collections: Ziam Halloween Challenge





	So Love Me Like There's No Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [redyellowberry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redyellowberry/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [youresoawkward](https://archiveofourown.org/users/youresoawkward/pseuds/youresoawkward) in the [Ziam2020HalloweenExchange](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Ziam2020HalloweenExchange) collection. 



> thank you to [redyellowberry](http://redyellowberry.tumblr.com) for the incredibly kind words about my writing and for the prompt for an angel/demon fic that inspired this. I strayed a bit, but I hope you still like it!
> 
> also a huge thank you to [heather](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeewordangel/pseuds/coffeewordangel/works) @[empty-altars](http://empty-altars.tumblr.com) for the very quick and super helpful beta read! (if there are more mistakes it's cause I can't leave anything alone...)
> 
> I've never written a non-reality based fic, so I'm nervous but excited about this. my research for it included googling "do angels breathe?" and that's about it lol, so I hope everyone likes it!
> 
> title from tonight by zayn

As usual he arrives at his designated location early. He likes to be early, Liam does. It makes it easier to do his job when he’s had a moment to take in the scene, to become familiar with the details of what’s unfolded, and to prepare himself for what’s to come.

Before he arrives he never knows exactly what he’ll see; he receives a name, an age, and a location. Nothing more, nothing less. He suspects the uncertainty is part of his punishment.

Liam spots the one he’s here for as soon as he arrives. Paulo Molina, aged 29, is one of only two mortal souls nearby as far as Liam can sense, and the other is meant to stay on this plane. 

It’s a cool night, the road slick with rain. Liam surveys the scene with as much detachment as he can muster. A car is flipped onto its top in a ditch, one tire still spinning slowly on its axle. A woman lies unconscious in the passenger seat, her seatbelt holding her firmly in place. She’s the soul that’s meant to stay, Liam is sure of that.

It’s a common scene, one Liam has witnessed thousands of times since the invention of the motorized vehicle, and one he’s sure he’ll see many thousands of times more before his curse is lifted.

Paulo is lying several meters from the overturned car, flung through the blown-out windshield by inertia. His breathing is ragged and wet, and he’s groaning in pain, twisting against the asphalt to try and find some comfort, but Liam knows it won’t help.

Only a few more minutes now and his pain will end. 

Despite the gruesome scene, Liam’s mind begins to wander as the time to start ticks closer. It’s the same feeling he gets before every Changing, before the being from the Otherside appears and the process begins. The slight hope that this time he will be reunited— if only for a few moments— with his other half, with Zayn. It fills his belly with nervous anticipation.

It’s been 327 days since he’s last laid eyes on Zayn: Halloween of the previous year. The one night of the year in which they can be truly reunited, from dusk until dawn, as mortals on the earthly plane. 

The groans of pain peter out and Liam’s attention is drawn back to Paulo, unconscious now, thankfully, but still clinging to life. 

Then, the air around him shifts, almost imperceptibly; they’re coming. 

Liam scans the horizon for their presence, waiting, until he sees it, the shape of a being in the distance. 

The figure comes toward him, their shape and cadence familiar, unmistakable to him, even at a distance. _Zayn._

Zayn stops when he reaches the scene, his figure bathed in moonlight.

“Zayn,” he breathes, voice thick from the emotion coursing through him. 

It knocks the air out of him, seeing Zayn again. He’s somehow more beautiful than even Liam’s memory of him, and all he can do is openly stare. 

Zayn’s eyes are shining, a soft smile on his lips. “Li?” he says, barely above a whisper. “You’re really here?”

Liam steps out of the shadows toward him, drawn to Zayn without conscious thought, needing to be closer. 

They simply gawk for a moment, the surprise of finally being in each other’s presence after months apart giving them pause. He wants to reach out, to touch, to feel Zayn’s warmth beneath his fingertips again, but it would be fruitless to try, both having only been granted temporary access to this plane. The distance between them makes Liam’s chest ache.

“Can’t believe you’re here,” Zayn says, voice melodic, comforting Liam’s worn soul. He’s missed him desperately. “I was beginning to think we’d go the whole year like this.”

Nodding Liam agrees. It wouldn’t be the first time since the curse began that they hadn’t been at the same Changing from one Halloween to the next. It’s torture, not even laying eyes on Zayn for an entire year, and all that keeps him going is knowing that one day this curse will end and he and Zayn will share the same life again.

“I’ve missed you so much.” It’s the most pressing thought in his head at the moment, obvious and trite, and it doesn’t scratch the surface of how he feels now that they’re reunited, however briefly. 

Zayn smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes, and the guilt that lives as a constant in Liam’s gut rears up and threatens to overwhelm him. The pain this curse has caused Zayn hurts him more than his own grief over being banished for three hundred years to the Underworld ever could. 

“I’ve missed you too, Li,” he swears, hand reaching up to soothe over Liam’s brow like he always did when Liam was upset, but he stops short when he remembers where they are, his hand dropping limply to his side.

A final wet gasp from Paulo breaks the moment, forcing them to focus on the task at hand. They turn toward him, waiting for his soul to depart his broken, mortal body. How long it will take is unknown, but Liam is happy to wait, happy to be standing next to Zayn for any amount of time. 

Headlights shine in the distance and the low rumble of another car breaks the silence of the deserted scene; soon emergency services will be called, and the other mortal will be attended to.

It happens in an instant, Paulo’s consciousness is reanimated, standing by his mortal self and looking like a healthy version of his human form, like nothing has happened. 

It takes Paulo a moment to orient himself, to realize where he is and that it’s _his_ car that’s overturned. Panic crosses his features as he calls out for his companion. “Juliana! Juliana! Where—” He stops short when he spots her, running to her side and kneeling by the vehicle. “Juliana!” He calls to her again, but he doesn’t realize she won’t hear him. That he could never wake her up.

“Paulo,” Liam says, drawing the man’s attention.

“Oh, thank god! Call an ambulance! Please, m-my girlfriend, she’s hurt, she—” 

Liam takes a step toward the man, stopping him from going on. “I can’t do that, Paulo. I’m not here for her.”

“Please, you have to help her,” he yells, eyes wild. The desperation in his voice is heartbreaking, and yet something Liam has witnessed many times before. 

“She’s going to be alright,” Liam assures him, voice a practiced neutral tone that he hopes conveys surety and comfort. “Come. I need to speak with you about what happens next.”

“No, NO! I need to help her, I need to find my cell! Please, why aren’t you doing anything?!” Paulo cries, side-stepping Liam to move back toward the overturned car. 

“Let him go, Li,” Zayn says, voice low. “He needs to see for himself.”

They watch in silence as Paulo tries to rouse her, hands moving to cup her face but failing to find purchase on her skin, each attempt more frantic than that last as he calls to her louder and louder. 

Shock and confusion color Paulo’s features as the moments wear on until Zayn steps forward to kneel next to the man, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

“She can’t hear you,” Zayn tells him, voice soft, soothing, and Liam has always admired the way Zayn can infuse these moments with such a calming presence. “Listen, she’s going to be alright. She’s going to make it, but I need you to come with me for now. Do you understand?”

The man nods, trance-like, taking Zayn’s extended hand and allowing himself to be pulled to his feet. 

Zayn leads him away from the wreck, away from Juliana.

“Wait, that— that’s me. I’m, but I’m…” he trails off, eyes glued to his broken body, and Zayn does what he can to put himself between Paulo and where his mortal form lies. “I don’t understand. I don’t understand! _Please,_ tell me what’s happening,” he begs of Zayn.

Liam steps forward, standing next to Zayn so he doesn’t have to handle this alone. 

“Paulo,” Zayn starts, “we’ve come to determine your fate, and to help you transition into the afterlife.”

Another car approaches the scene and stops by the wreckage, the driver getting out and pulling out their phone to make a frenzied call for help, but Paulo fails to notice the newcomer, full attention still on Zayn, trying to process what he’s been told.

He gapes at Zayn, shaking his head in confusion. “No,” he mumbles, backing away like he can actually escape this fate. “No! This can’t be right, you must’ve made a mistake!” 

Liam steps forward then, tone resolute. “We don’t make mistakes, Paulo. It’s your time. We’re just here to help.”

“I’ll do anything though, please,” Paulo pleads. “Just let me stay a little longer. I’ll give you anything, I’ll do _anything._ Please!” 

“It’s going to be alright,” Zayn assures him, “trust me, yeah?” 

A moment passes before resignation finally crosses Paulo’s features and he nods, shoulders sagging in defeat. 

With that Zayn places a gentle hand on Paulo’s shoulder, eyes flicking to Liam’s, imploring him to do the same.

He takes a deep breath before mirroring Zayn, placing a hand on Paulo’s other shoulder and the depth of emotion that courses through him is instantaneous. The highs of joy and the lows of intense sadness; anxiety, excitement, grief, love, lust, pride, jealousy, all swirling inside him at once. Flashes of a life lived, however short, painting the picture of who Paulo is— who he _was_ , as a mortal.

It doesn’t take long for him to know that Paulo will go with Zayn, not with him. 

The connection breaks when he steps away, letting his hand drop to his side and Zayn does the same.

“You’ll be coming with me,” Zayn tells him.

“O-okay. Is that better? Than going with him?” he asks, hopeful.

A rueful smile lifts the corner of Zayn’s mouth as he glances at Liam. “Most would prefer to come with me, yes.”

“So I’m going to heaven?”

“Heaven and hell are human conceptions. The afterlife is more complex than that.” Zayn leaves it at that, stepping next to Paulo, fingers circling his wrist. 

Liam drinks him in, heart aching with the knowledge that in a moment Zayn will be nothing more than a memory to him again. 

“Soon,” Zayn whispers, eyes fixed on him.

He swallows the lump in his throat and nods. “Soon.” And then Zayn and Paulo are gone.

He watches the paramedics work for a moment before he leaves the scene as well, heart heavier than he thinks it should be after finally seeing Zayn.

Time always seems to slow as Halloween approaches. The days dragging on, each seemingly more insurmountable than the last as he gets closer to being with Zayn again. Only ten days now, or, nine and a half really, until dusk on the 31st. 

Currently, a heart monitor beeps softly from the corner of the room that Liam is transported to. 

He’s early again. 

The room smells of a mix of antiseptic and the acrid scent of the slowly dying bouquet of flowers that sit on the bedside table of Benedetta Mancini, aged 93.

She’s lying prone on the hospital bed, asleep, and completely alone in the room, sparing Liam from witnessing the grief of her loved ones watching her go. It’s a relief to him that it appears she’s meant to cross over peacefully.

He rests against the wall opposite her bed while he waits, eyes closed until he feels the usual shift in the air of the room; he knows he’s no longer alone. 

The gasp from the other being catches his attention though, and he quickly opens his eyes to see Zayn standing in front of him.

All he can do is gape, shocked to be seeing him again already.

“I can’t believe you’re here. So soon,” Zayn says, a soft smile lining his lips. His eyes rake over Liam’s face, taking him in, making him feel warm.

“Me neither,” Liam agrees, awed at their luck. He can only think of a handful of other years they had multiple Changings together, let alone so close in time. “Only ten more days. It’s all I can think about.” 

Zayn nods, swallowing hard, his eyes darting away. 

“Hey, everything alright?” Liam whispers, pushing down the uncomfortable feeling churning in his belly at Zayn’s reaction. He dips down, trying to catch Zayn’s eyes, and when he does he sees that they’re tear-filled. “Babe?”

Stepping back Zayn wipes his eyes. “M’fine,” he murmurs, his assurances doing little to placate Liam’s hammering heart. He lifts his gaze to Liam’s, face a practiced neutral that hurts worse than the tears. “M’fine. Really. It’s just,” he pauses, brow furrowing as he wets his bottom lip with his tongue, “this year’s been hard. Harder than any other I remember, and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I wanted to wait to talk to you, but—”

“Excuse me, dears, but am I dead?” A soft voice cuts through Zayn’s words, stopping him mid-sentence and Liam wants to beg him to continue, to tell Benedetta Mancini to wait just another minute so that Zayn can finish but before he can Zayn turns away from him to smile sweetly at the newly departed soul. 

The room feels hot, hotter than it should, and Liam knows Zayn is speaking softly to the older woman, explaining to her what’s happened, but he can’t make out the words. His mind races, filling in the end of Zayn’s thought, flitting from one possibility to the next, each option worse than the last, making his stomach roil with worry. 

“Liam,” Zayn’s voice cuts through the fog in his mind, sharp, and he turns to see him poised with his hand on Benedetta’s shoulder. “It’s time.”

Their eyes meet and for a moment Liam feels unbelievably lost, unable to read Zayn’s expression, completely unaware of what Zayn wanted to say. “Zayn?” he asks, distress clear in his voice. 

Zayn shakes his head the slightest bit, almost undetectable but he sees it. Sees that he won’t get his answer today. 

He steadies himself with a breath, closing his eyes for a moment and doing his best to center himself before he steps to Zayn’s side. 

Cupping Benedetta’s shoulder, they begin. Visions of her long life play in his mind, births and deaths, celebrations and grief. There’s a darkness to this life that’s evident though, and Liam works to find those moments, to parse out what she is responsible for and what she is not. The deeper he goes the clearer it becomes that Benedetta is meant to go with him.

Zayn breaks the connection and Liam comes back to himself swiftly, fear once again taking up residence in his gut. 

He glances at Zayn but Zayn is focused on Benedetta.

“Liam will be helping you cross over. You’re in good hands,” Zayn assures her, his smile warm. 

As he steps away to take his leave, panic floods Liam’s veins. He’s never been unsure about where he stands with Zayn, not in all the years they’ve suffered through this curse, and not in the hundreds before that. The love he has for Zayn is constant, eternal, and he desperately needs reassurance that Zayn still feels the same.

“Zayn.” Zayn turns to him, waiting. He feels choked up and like his heart could beat out of his chest at any moment. “Ten days. Please say I’ll see you then.”

The stoic facade Zayn’s been wearing cracks, and he looks surprised at Liam’s question. “Of course, Li. I—” He stops himself, glancing at Benedetta before meeting Liam’s eyes. “I’ll see you then,” he promises, and then he’s gone.

The silence in the room is heavy and he lets them sit in it for longer than he should, his mind consumed with thoughts of Zayn. When he turns to Benedetta she’s standing over her mortal self, saying a prayer under her breath.

He gives her a moment and when she crosses herself at the end of her prayer he places a light hand on her shoulder. 

“It’s time to go.” 

“Will I see my daughter? And my husband?” Her eyes are pleading, hopeful, and Liam wishes he could give her the answers she wants.

“I don’t know,” he tells her honestly.

She nods, solemn. “I know I haven’t led a perfect life. I’ve… done things, _had_ to do things, that I’m not proud of.” She pauses, fixing Liam with a determined stare. “So if I have to be punished, I accept that.”

“Benedetta, I don’t know where your family is, or if you’ll see them soon, but I do know it’s not as bad as it sounds. Certainly not as bad as most humans expect it to be, and it won’t last forever. You’ll be reunited with your family one day.”

“How long?” she asks him.

“That’s not for me to decide.”

Appeased, she takes one last look at her mortal body before Liam holds her hand and they depart. 

Halloween day passes in a blur of three separate Changings, and despite the enormity of his task, he could only truly focus on his impending night with Zayn.

The sun has only just set when he arrives at the plaza, twilight swiftly descending into night. It’s crowded despite the slight chill in the air and Liam scans the people for a glimpse of Zayn. 

Liam hears him before he sees him, Zayn’s voice floating over the crowd and he turns to find him jogging over, weaving through the people as best he can. He breaks into a run as well, desperate to be near Zayn as quickly as possible. 

When Zayn hurtles into his arms he’s ready for him, and they only stumble a moment before Liam rights them and squeezes Zayn to him tightly.

“You’re so warm,” Zayn mumbles, pressing his lips to Liam’s neck. “And you smell good.”

Liam laughs and threads his fingers into Zayn’s hair, overjoyed to be holding him again. “Your nose is cold,” he tells Zayn, pulling him closer.

“You should feel my fingers,” Zayn answers, hand slipping down Liam’s back to crawl under his jacket and shirt, cold fingertips trailing up the warm skin of his spine. He shivers at the contact but doesn’t move to push Zayn's hand away. “Give me some of your warmth.”

“Gladly,” Liam says, placing a kiss on Zayn's temple.

They stay like that for several moments, reveling in each others’ presence. People pass them by without a second glance, and Liam is grateful that in this particular time and place they can just hold each other among mortals without too much hassle.

When Zayn straightens up to look at him, his eyes are droopy and he’s got a small smile on his face.

“You better not be getting tired on me already,” Liam teases, cupping his face. “We’ve got the whole night ahead.”

“Just happy to see you.” His smile grows, tongue pressing to the back of his teeth, and Zayn’s demeanor eases the knot that’s lived in his stomach since the last time they spoke. 

“Yeah?” He presses, thumbs smoothing over the stubble on Zayn’s cheeks. 

“Yeah, Li,” Zayn promises, leaning in to brush their lips together. “Can’t believe you even have to ask.” 

Zayn’s words quiet Liam’s anxieties and the urge he had to get whatever it was Zayn wanted to say the other day on the table is completely eclipsed by the desire to feel Zayn’s lips against his.

He leans in, wetting his lips and watching Zayn do the same. When their mouths meet again it feels like coming home, warm and familiar, and comforting like nothing he can experience outside of Zayn’s presence. He parts his lips for Zayn’s tongue, and Zayn kisses him slowly, like they have all the time in the world. Liam loves that about him, loves that Zayn can keep him in the moment, focused on the pleasure of just being in his lover’s arms.

When the kiss ends, Zayn sighs, contented, his eyes closed while he rests his forehead to Liam’s. “What d’you wanna do now?” he asks, voice low.

They’ve spent 274 nights exploring this city over the same number of years. Some places never change, like the plaza they’re in now, while others have come and gone. It’s overwhelming, all of the things he wants to fit into this night, all of the possibilities that exist in this moment. 

“It’s been a few years since we’ve been to the cinema. You think that’s still around?” 

Liam can still remember the first time they stumbled into a motion picture theater, many decades ago at this point, sure that they were going to see a play with real-life actors and being completely transfixed by the moving screen instead. They went back each year for a long while, the novelty of film sticking with them longer than it likely did for the mortals around them. 

Zayn lights up. “Okay, but we’ll have to, uh, get some money.” He nods toward the fountain in the center of the plaza where the mortals drop coins, for what purpose Liam has never known. Still, he’s grateful that they do. 

He covers Zayn while he tries to subtly fish enough coins from the fountain. “This water is freezing,” Zayn says, passing the money to Liam before going back in for more. “Are we close?”

Liam counts the change in his hand. “Just get a few more to be sure.”

After a moment Zayn stands, pushing more coins into Liam’s palms and drying his wet hands on Liam’s jacket. “Next time, you’re doing that.”

Dropping the coins into his pocket he takes Zayn’s cold hands in his, bringing them to his lips. “But your arms are longer,” Liam tells him, breathing warmth onto Zayn’s fingers.

“Using me, I see,” Zayn teases.

Liam kisses his fingertips. “You’ve caught me. This has all been an elaborate plot to trick you into stealing mortal coins for me for hundreds of years.”

Zayn smiles, eyes bright. “Dork.”

With a final kiss to Zayn’s knuckles, he pulls him into his side. “Let’s go. If we’re early enough we can get a good seat.”

The theater lies where Liam remembers, on the main thoroughfare between a bookshop and a cafe they've frequented over the years.

"Every year they play the same film," Zayn comments, gazing up at the film listings, seeing that they’re playing _Halloween_ for one night only. Liam chuckles at Zayn's annoyance. The film does play every year, or so it seems, but Liam assumes it's a mortal tradition at this point. "I don’t understand the mortals. They’re afraid of death, but they watch brutal killings for entertainment."

"Maybe it’s about facing their fears,” Liam shrugs. “We don’t have to see that one, or we can go somewhere else instead." 

“No.” Zayn shakes his head. “It’s been a while since we’ve seen it; let’s stay.”

They exchange the coins they mined from the fountain for tickets to the film before finding the right theater. The room is fairly empty, their choice for seats open, and Zayn leads them to the back row, picking the seat in the center of the screen. 

"It's different in here," he comments, eyeing the room. 

Liam takes notice then as well. Things have changed since they were last here, which was several years ago at least. The foldable red velvet cushions have been replaced with big leather chairs.

"These seats are massive.”

"Big enough for this," says Zayn, holding Liam by the hips and pulling him squarely into his lap. 

Liam yelps, taken by surprise, and the few people already in the theater turn to look at them. Zayn doesn't seem to mind, nuzzling firmly into Liam's neck, and Liam relaxes back into his chest, content. "Missed you," Zayn murmurs.

Liam threads their fingers together over his belly, squeezing. He doesn't say anything, doesn't think he'd be able to answer without choking up. 

Slowly more people filter into the theater until eventually the lights are dimming and some advertisements begin playing on the screen. The screen rotates through clips of other films, and Liam wonders if they will ever have the opportunity to see any of them. 

The film has barely begun when Zayn speaks into his ear.

"I've been thinking," he starts, "about us." 

The words slice through Liam and he feels his body tense, knows Zayn can feel it too. 

The look on Zayn’s face the last time they saw each other swims in his mind, making his belly ache with the anxiety of the unknown, of not being able to read Zayn or know what he’s thinking. He doesn’t want to ask, doesn’t want to turn to look Zayn in the eye, to get him to say more. Doesn’t want to hear Zayn say it could be over.

Zayn presses on, tightening his grip on Liam’s fingers. “Sometimes I just miss you so much,” he says, lips close enough to Liam’s ear that he can feel the nervous way Zayn wets his bottom lip with his tongue. “I don’t know if I can do this for another twenty-five years, Li. It—it’s just so hard.” His voice cracks a bit and Liam can feel his own throat closing with unshed tears.

“What are you saying?” asks Liam, voice low, not wanting to turn to see the expression on Zayn’s face.

Zayn sighs, breath tickling the back of his neck. When Zayn answers his voice is just as low, almost too soft for Liam to pick up his words over the film. “What if I was cursed as well?”

His blood runs cold at the thought. “No,” he says, firm, voice rising as he finally turns in Zayn’s lap to look him in the eye. Someone in the theater shushes him, but consideration for the other filmgoers is the last thing on his mind. “Are you insane?”

“Is it that insane though?” Zayn counters. “Who cares where we are, so long as we’re together?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Liam tells him, heart racing at even the thought of Zayn being stuck in the Underworld. “I can’t believe you’re even suggesting this!”

“Hey, mate, can you keep it down?” A man yells from the middle of the theater.

“Don’t worry, we’re leaving,” Zayn yells back, pushing at Liam’s shoulders to get him to stand.

Liam leaves the theater in a fog, mind reeling from what Zayn is proposing.

Before the curse, Liam, like all the beings on the Otherside, lived in fear of the Underworld. Of banishment. Stories of unhinged souls running rampant, of living in constant terror and never knowing a moment’s rest. When he experienced it for himself it was both much better, but also so much worse than the lore suggested. Instead, the realm is cold and lonely, full of lost souls, souls that hadn’t learned the lessons of mortal life and needed more time. The absence of love and beauty and light weigh heavily on everyone who resides there. The only way he’s been able to get through his time in the Underworld is by latching on to the memories of his time with Zayn and putting the bad out of his mind. 

But the thought of Zayn in that place, burdened by the ever-present weight of sadness that permeates the entire plane of existence, even if it would mean they could be together, frightens him more than facing his own fate ever could.

When they make it to the sidewalk Zayn turns to him, a determined set to his features. “Just hear me out,” he starts, “I could just do what you did, bring a soul to the Otherside who’s not meant to be there and—”

“No!” Liam interrupts him. “You don’t know what you’re saying, Zayn. Please drop this.”

“But you said it’s not that bad! And if we were there together—”

“I’m begging you, Zayn, to put this out of your mind.” Liam cups his face, needing Zayn to look him in the eyes as he says this, needing him to understand. “That place… it. It’s not good, okay? If you were there, b-because of me? I couldn’t take it. So please, Zayn, _please_ just drop this.”

Zayn’s eyes are wide, glassy with unshed tears. He whispers, “But I-I don’t know if I can keep doing this.”

Liam’s heart clenches, the pain of it almost overwhelming as he stares into Zayn’s eyes, his hurt laid bare, and not for the first time Liam hates himself for bringing this onto him. “What happens when I’m allowed to return and you’re still stuck there for hundreds of years? Do I try to be banished again? A-are we meant to live there forever?” He pauses and Zayn doesn’t speak, silent tears wetting his cheeks. “No one can live there forever, it’s not possible. It will destroy your soul, and I…I can’t watch that. I can’t watch you slowly wither away. If—if that means you don’t want to wait for me anymore, then fine, I’ll have to find a way to be okay with that, but I won’t let you do this. I can’t.”

His heart is in his throat as Zayn nods, backing out of Liam’s grasp to wipe the tears from his face. He hugs himself, looking small and lost and Liam doesn’t think he’s felt this dreadful since the night he was told of his punishment and had to leave without even saying goodbye.

“Zayn?” He tries to keep the desperation out of his voice and Zayn meets his eyes, looking just as wrecked as he feels. “Are we over?” His voice wavering but he manages to get the words out.

“No,” Zayn gasps, blinking and sending more tears down his face. He steps back into Liam’s reach, allowing himself to be pulled into an embrace, head buried in his neck. “No, Li. That, that’s not what I want at all. I just want to find a way to fix this.”

Liam holds him tightly, fingers soothing through the soft hair at the back of his neck. “We’re so close, babe. And then we have the rest of eternity to make up for it.”

Zayn nods against him. “I know, I _know._ It just feels like we have so much further to go.”

“I’m so sorry, Zayn. I never should’ve—”

“Don’t. Don’t say it,” Zayn begs, his body still trembling. “It doesn’t matter now. Can—can we just go somewhere else?” 

“Of course,” he agrees, palm soothing down Zayn’s spine as he pulls back, finding Zayn’s eyes. “Are we okay?” 

“Always,” Zayn assures him, tone firm. He searches Zayn’s face, needing to be sure Zayn still wants this, wants him. Gently Zayn grips his chin, gaze intense. “We’re okay, Li. Let’s just get out of here, please, I’m freezing.”

He kisses him then, relief flooding his veins, and Zayn smiles against his mouth before kissing him back. 

It’s never been difficult to find a place to hide away together. Unlocked vehicles, libraries after they close, unused lecture halls, motels with shifty payment policies; there’s always somewhere to sneak into and spend their time together, uninterrupted. 

Tonight they make their way to a neighborhood adjacent to the theater and filled with small brick homes, each with a little back garden. The street lights are dim and most of the homes’ windows are dark, like the inhabitants have already turned in for the night. It’s not a posh area but most of the houses are well kept, the gardens neat and tended to. It makes it easy to spot the home with the newspapers piled up by the front door and the grass a tad overgrown for the norms of the street. 

“There’s one,” he tells Zayn, nodding toward the seemingly empty house.

Zayn grins, wiggling his eyebrows before grabbing Liam’s hand and picking up the pace. They creep to the back garden and peek into the windows. It’s dark inside, no sign of life from this vantage point, and Liam feels giddy at the prospect of the whole night in an actual home with Zayn. 

Getting inside is easy, a back window having been left unlocked, the homeowners too trusting of their neighbors, and he boosts Zayn up so he can crawl inside and unlock the door for him.

“Hello?” Zayn calls out once they’re inside. The house is silent, the only light coming from the streetlamps outside, filtering in from around the drawn curtains. “Anyone here?” he tries again.

Liam holds his breath while they wait for signs of life, a voice, a creak in the floorboards upstairs, but nothing comes. 

“I think we’re good,” he whispers, and Zayn moves to stand before him, gripping his hips.

“Alone at last,” he murmurs, and then their lips are meeting, Liam drawn to Zayn’s body like an uncontrollable impulse. 

The kiss is unhurried and lingering, kissing purely for the enjoyment of it and if they had all the time in the world Liam would be content with nothing more than this. He holds Zayn close, their bodies flush as he explores his mouth, all soft lips and tongue, savoring every gasp and groan Zayn gives him. 

After a moment, Zayn shifts, his hips rolling, looking for friction, and Liam moans against his lips. Zayn’s obvious need turning him on. 

“Let’s find a bedroom,” Zayn suggests, breaking the kiss. They kick off their shoes and then he follows Zayn through the house, opening doors until they find a room with a bed inside that actually looks lived in. 

Zayn opens the drawers in one of the night tables and Liam does the same with the other. “There’s nothing here but candy and books,” Zayn says. “Anything over there?”

“Reading glasses, eye drops, and some hand lotion,” Liam tells him.

Zayn shrugs before tugging off his sweatshirt and pulling his shirt over his head, dropping them to the ground. “We’ll make it work,” he says, fingers undoing his jeans.

“Hold on,” Liam says, climbing over the bed until he’s standing in front of Zayn, stilling his hands. “Have you forgotten how much I love undressing you?” He brushes their lips together, fingers grazing over the hair on Zayn’s belly. 

Zayn smiles against his lips, hooking his arms over Liam’s shoulders. “You’re planning on teasing me tonight, aren’t you?” 

“I’m planning on taking my time,” Liam corrects, catching Zayn’s mouth in a bruising kiss. He shrugs out of his own jacket, their lips breaking apart only long enough for him to pull his shirt over his head. 

The touch of Zayn’s bare chest to his own gives him peace like he hasn’t had in a year, the warmth of his skin, the low thump of his heartbeat, comforting Liam’s soul. 

Zayn is hard against his hip, and he aches to feel him without the thick denim between them. He makes quick work of Zayn’s jeans, pushing them off his hips, along with his pants, revealing more of Zayn's smooth skin. He helps Zayn step out of his clothes before discarding his own, crowding into Zayn’s body as soon as they’re naked. Zayn arches against him, pressing their hips together, hands roaming Liam’s chest. 

He maneuvers them to the bed, urging Zayn back onto the sheets and Zayn spreads his legs easily, like it’s instinct, allowing Liam to settle against him, hips pressed together. He kisses Zayn while their hips roll, moaning each time his cockhead catches on Zayn’s. 

“What d’you want?” Liam asks against Zayn’s lips, unwilling to pull away from his plush mouth. Zayn hums out a soft moan, kissing him again, insistent. “Tell me,” Liam pushes when they pull away for air.

Threading his fingers into Zayn’s hair he tugs until Zayn’s throat is bared, trailing lips along his skin until he finds the spot that makes Zayn whimper. He shudders under him, hips rolling and breath hitching. “Everything.”

Liam brushes his teeth along his heated skin. “Tell me,” he implores, needing to know where Zayn wants to take this.

“Want—” he starts, brow furrowing and Liam pulls back to watch him. “Want you inside me.”

Arousal spikes in his belly and he pulls Zayn in for another kiss, heated and hungry, the taste of his mouth addicting. 

“Tell me what you want,” Zayn asks when they break apart, eyes dark. 

Pleasing Zayn is the only thought in his head. “Wanna taste you.”

He kisses down Zayn’s body, lips lingering on each of his most sensitive spots. The inside of his elbow, the skin just below his ribs, his left hip. Zayn squirms under Liam’s mouth, fingers tangling in his hair.

Zayn’s arousal rests heavily against his belly, tip dripping, wetting his skin. Liam takes him in his palm, loosely fisting him just to watch Zayn rut mindlessly into his hand, chasing more friction.

“Li,” he whines, grip tightening in Liam’s hair.

“I’m trying to savor this,” he chides, nuzzling into the wiry curls at the base of Zayn’s cock.

“It’s been a year, babe, you’re killing me.”

Liam huffs out a laugh. “Fair.” He tightens his grip, pumping Zayn slowly before bringing his tongue to Zayn’s slit, lapping at the precome collected there. 

“Yes, yes,” Zayn groans, head tipping back against the sheets. Liam watches him intently as he takes him deeper into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and relaxing his throat. He missed this, the taste of Zayn, and the power he feels knowing he can make him whimper and squirm with just his mouth.

He hums to get Zayn’s attention, planting his palms on either side of Zayn’s hips, waiting with his mouth stuffed full.

“Yeah?” Zayn asks, fingers combing through Liam’s hair. Liam moans around him, bobbing his head to take him in deeper. 

That’s enough for Zayn to roll his hips up, pushing himself farther, head of his cock tapping the back of Liam’s throat, making him gag. “Shit, sorry,” Zayn apologizes, but he keeps the roll of his hips steady, holding Liam’s head in place when Liam doesn’t make a move to pull away.

Liam loves this, loves watching Zayn give in to his pleasure. He starts out slowly, reacquainting himself with Liam’s mouth, with his tolerance to be used like this. Sweat shines on his skin and collects in the dip of his throat, the muscles in his stomach clench and ripple with each thrust, and Liam gets lost in watching the way his skin shines in the dull light of the room. 

His fingers search out Zayn’s hole, pressing between his cheeks to run a dry thumb over him, and Zayn whines, shifting his hips and spreading his legs to give Liam access, his thrusts slowing. 

“I’m gunna come,” warns Zayn, and Liam pulls off him with a pop, wiping the spit from his chin. “No, no, I didn’t mean stop,” he whines, fingers tightening in Liam’s hair. 

“You wanna come before I fuck you?” Liam asks him, dragging his thumb against Zayn’s entrance, watching him tremble. 

Palming himself, Zayn spreads his legs wider, a groan on his lips. “No,” he says. “No. Want you in me.”

Liam hums his approval, nosing against Zayn’s sack, breath warm against him and Zayn whimpers. He runs his palms along Zayn’s thighs, guiding his knees back and Zayn takes the hint, gripping his legs and holding himself open.

He parts Zayn’s cheeks, thumb massaging over the tight muscle, and Zayn’s body quivers at the light touch. When he licks against him, Zayn whines, hand abandoning his leg to fist his cock. 

Liam's missed this, Zayn's taste on his tongue, and he licks against him eagerly, the groans each wet touch elicit from Zayn egging him on.

Zayn's hips undulate against his mouth, seeking something more, something deeper and Liam lets him rock against his stiff tongue. He can hear the wet slap of Zayn's hand working over his arousal, pace quickening when Liam nips at his rim.

His hole is slick from the attention and Liam presses the tip of his finger against him, licking around the digit before he pushes into Zayn's body. Zayn groans, throaty, mumbling curses to himself, hand twisting faster at the head of his cock, all restraint lost, and Liam pushes his finger in deeper, seeking out the soft warmth of Zayn's body.

When Zayn comes it’s with a low moan, body tightening around Liam's finger and hips jerking off the bed. Liam fucks him through it, pressing into him deeply. He pulls out when Zayn lets his legs fall to the side, crawling up Zayn's body to press a soft kiss to his lips.

"Thought you wanted to wait," he teases, laying kisses along Zayn's jaw.

"Couldn't help it," he mumbles back. "Love your mouth on me."

"God, Zayn." He kisses him fully, tongue delving past Zayn's lips, letting him taste himself on Liam's mouth. Zayn rolls them, straddling Liam's hips, lean frame on full display and Liam runs his palms along Zayn's sides.

"Scoot up," Zayn commands. He clarifies when he sees Liam's confused face. "Sit up against the headboard. Wanna see your face while you're inside me."

Liam groans at Zayn's forwardness, his dick aching with need.

With an arm around Zayn's waist he maneuvers them to the head of the bed, eye to eye, and chest to chest. Zayn kisses him then, hungry.

His fingers seek out Zayn's hole, damp from spit, pressing into his tight heat again. Zayn pushes back against him, a groan on his lips.

"Here," Zayn says, swiping his finger through the come on his belly, reaching behind himself to push against his entrance. A grimace crosses his features before his body gives way to the second finger, slick with his own release. They fuck into him in time, stretching his rim, lips locked together as Zayn's hips rut down for more.

He extracts his hands from Zayn to collect more wetness, pressing two digits into him, thumb soothing against his taut rim. "Okay?" he asks, twisting in as deep as he can from this angle, tracing his lips along Zayn's throat to distract him from the dull pain.

Zayn moans, lip caught between his teeth as he nods, heavy-lidded eyes on Liam. "Yeah, yes, I’m ready. Please, Liam."

He extracts his fingers from Zayn and gathers the rest of the come from his stomach to coat his cock. Zayn's hard again, head wet and taut from his need.

Zayn holds himself steady on his knees, spreading his checks while Liam presses the tip of his cock to Zayn's entrance. It feels impossible at first, the pressure from Zayn's body resisting him before giving way to the tip. Zayn moans at the feeling of being stretched open, head falling back and hands coming to rest on Liam's shoulders to keep himself upright. 

Liam takes him slowly, a guiding hand on Zayn's hip, fingers of his other hand massaging around Zayn's hole until he's resting fully in Liam's lap. He sucks a kiss to Zayn's throat, lips trailing over his jaw, over his lips, breathing in Zayn’s breath until he's dizzy from it. 

After a moment Zayn shifts his hips, building up a lazy rhythm. They rock together, and he feels high from it all, the smell of Zayn in the air, his tight heat enveloping Liam's cock, every gasp and moan that tumbles from his lips. 

He does his best to meet Zayn’s hips on each thrust, hands settling at the dip of his waist as he watches Zayn take his own pleasure, bouncing in Liam’s lap, muscles flexing under taut skin, his dick slapping lightly against his stomach. 

Leaning forward he kisses Zayn, nibbling his bottom lip before fucking in with his tongue.

“Liam,” Zayn moans against his lips, shuddering with need, his release close. “I don’t want to give this up.” 

“Zayn, please,” he begs him to leave it be, fingers digging into his hips to ground him. “Just stay in this moment with me.”

Zayn nods open-mouthed, glazed eyes closing and tilting his head back in pleasure. He’s fucking himself wantonly, hips driving against Liam’s, his prick weeping precome against his stomach. 

Liam takes him in hand, palming the head of his cock, grip tight and Zayn’s body quivers with built-up tension. He thrusts his hips up, meeting Zayn each time, jerking him quickly. “Come for me, Zayn. Wanna feel you lose it around me.”

Zayn whines, fingers digging into the meat of Liam’s shoulders. He comes with a guttural sound, back arching, and Liam fucks him through it as he releases in spurts over Liam’s knuckles. Their frenzied pace slows as Zayn’s orgasm wanes, tension dissipating from his bones until he's leaning heavily against Liam’s chest, face buried in his neck.

Liam holds him close, palms smoothing over his sweaty back, his own need ignored while he waits for Zayn to come back to himself. 

“Come in me,” Zayn mewls after a moment, breath tickling his throat. He arches his back, rocking slightly on Liam’s cock. Liam palms his cheeks, tracing along his stretched rim just to watch him shiver. 

“You sure?" Liam asks, hips already working on their own accord, pressing into Zayn’s heat. 

“Wanna feel it,” he begs, straightening up, holding himself still and Liam grips his hips, grinding against him, chasing his release. 

His orgasm builds as Zayn whimpers out encouragement, keening his name with each thrust, his softening cock slapping against Liam’s stomach. “C’mon, Liam. Come in me, need to feel you.”

With that he lets go, releasing into Zayn, hips screwing deeply as pleasure ripples out from his belly to every cell in his body. Zayn rides him through it, only stopping when Liam grips his hips, cock over sensitive and spent. 

When he opens his eyes, Zayn is wearing a lazy grin, fingers scratching through the hair on Liam’s chest before he slots their lips together for a languorous kiss. 

“I missed that,” Zayn tells him when the kiss ends. He shifts then and Liam slips from his body, Zayn whimpering at the loss. He slides off Liam’s lap, settling onto the pillow next to him, and Liam turns onto his side to face him. His eyes are heavy and he tries to keep them open, but the warmth of the room and his satisfied body are working against him. 

He’s not quite asleep when he feels soft fingers trace over his brow and he opens his eyes to see Zayn looking at him, gaze intent. He catches Zayn’s wandering hand, bringing his palm to his mouth, placing a soft kiss there. “Everything okay?” he asks, lips pressed to Zayn’s skin. 

“You said you didn’t want to watch me wither away,” he starts, voice soft. “Is that what you think is happening to you?” 

He looks infinitely sad, and Liam never wants that for him, to place that worry on Zayn’s shoulders. “No,” he assures quickly.

Zayn doesn’t look convinced. “Tell me, Li.” 

Liam closes his eyes against Zayn’s intensity. He promised himself long ago that he would keep the details of his time in the Underworld to himself. “I don’t know how to explain it to you. It’s… it just wears on your mind. I get through it because I know there’s an end. And I focus on that, on us, and that in a few more years, I can leave and we can be together again. But… if we were stuck there forever? Zayn, it would crush us. There needs to be hope. It’s the only way to survive there.”

Zayn brushes the hair from Liam’s forehead before cupping his face. “Promise me that you’re going to be okay?” 

He meets Zayn’s eyes, wanting to reassure him more than he wants anything. “I promise,” he tells Zayn, sincere because he knows that the promise of them being reunited on the Otherside could sustain him for a thousand more years. 

A moment passes as Zayn studies him and then he nods, a small smile lifting the corner of his mouth. “Good, ‘cause I need you to come back to me.”

Liam moves toward him, rolling him onto his back and pressing their lips together. “I very much intend to.”

It’s much later that night when they find their way down to the kitchen to see what sort of mortal food they can discover. He tries not to laugh at the sight of Zayn, naked and bent over to reach into the refrigerator, shuffling around the containers of food. “Do I like this stuff? I can’t remember,” he asks, holding up a bag labeled _Shredded Lettuce_. The contents looking wet and a little brown.

“It doesn’t look right. I think it’s gone bad,” he tells him, grabbing the bag to inspect it closer. “Check the other box for icey cream.” 

Zayn opens the frozen box at the top of the refrigerator, rooting around before pulling out a container. “It’s called _ice_ cream,” Zayn corrects.

“Whatever it’s called, it’s mine,” he says, plucking the tub from Zayn’s hand.

“You’ll share,” Zayn tells him, turning back to continue his rummaging. Liam opens drawers until he finds the cutlery, pulling out two spoons. “There’s nothing good in here,” Zayn finally concludes.

“We’ve got this, what else do we need?” Liam asks, holding up the ice cream container and Zayn grins at him, nose crinkling with it.

"C'mon." Zayn motions toward the sitting room and they settle in on the plush sofa, laying a blanket over their nude bodies.

The ice cream is sweet with an undertone of bitterness, just like Liam remembers, and it's easy to get lost in the pleasure of eating, each of them digging into the carton, spoons clacking together every so often. 

“I really needed this.” Zayn whispers to not disturb the tranquil atmosphere that they've created. "Needed to see you and to just...be here with you."

Liam drops his spoon into the ice cream, setting the tub aside, giving his full attention to Zayn; he looks soft in the dim light, unbelievably tender and earnest. Liam's heart clenches with the love he feels for him.

“I promised you I was gunna be okay,” Liam starts, tangling their fingers together. "What about you?"

“Yeah,” Zayn assures, gaze serious and Liam studies him. "Yes,” he repeats, firmer. “Always, Liam. As long as we have hope, right?”

Liam kisses him then, softly, pouring as much love and tenderness as he can muster into it. “I love you,” he whispers against his lips.

“I love you, too. For eternity.”

“For eternity,” Liam repeats, settling against Zayn’s chest and Zayn wraps him in his arms. 

It’s only a matter of time now, before the sun begins to break over the horizon and the night is over. He can already hear the early morning chirping of songbirds outside the window.

“What d’you wanna do next year?” Zayn asks, carding his fingers through Liam’s hair.

His mind is groggy with the need to sleep, Zayn’s soothing touch lulling him further. “Mmm, this,” Liam mumbles. “You?”

“Wanna go to a shop that just sells ice cream. Then we could try different types, not just the brown one.”

“Do they have that?” Liam asks, his interest piqued.

“Yeah, I’ve seen one,” Zayn tells him. “They had all different colors of it, too.” Liam doesn’t push for the circumstances under which Zayn saw this shop for ice cream, assuming it’s better to not know.

“Even green?” Liam asks, imagining ice cream as green as grass. 

“Mmhm,” Zayn hums, voice raspy with tiredness. “That one had bits of things in it.”

“Let’s do that then, eat green ice cream,” Liam says around a yawn, his eyes too heavy to keep open any longer. 

“It’s a date,” Zayn murmurs, laying a kiss against his hair and breathing deeply, a soft _goodnight, Liam_ the last thing he hears before the clock resets on their year.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr fic post [here](https://niazkilam.tumblr.com/post/633069079580803072/so-love-me-like-theres-no-tomorrow-by)
> 
> comments are incredibly appreciated! basically, I'd sell my soul for feedback on this fic so if you had any thoughts at all while reading this I would love to hear them <3


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